Today??

Today, perhaps, I will finally get round to unpacking the last duffel bag. It sits, hides, behind my bed so I'm only reminded of it on rare mornings when the night before was restless enough that I need to actually go back there to properly readjust the bedding on that normally unruffled side, the side some part of me always holds on reserve for another.

There's always a last duffle...on my return it catches the odds and the ends and the bits and the pieces of things that aren't really needed here but for whatever reason I choose to bring home rather than leave them behind in faraway Africa. Unpacking it requires that I acknowledge that I have chosen to be here, and carries the same degree of mental struggle as would going out to buy the much needed blinds for my too-light windows. Too big a leap to say this is my home...this is where/how I have chosen to be, in a space just big enough for one plus the ghost of a beagle...moreover that I'll likely be here long enough to make the investment in leave-behind blinds worthwhile.

I have been sleeping without darkness since I chose this home in September 2006.

Today, perhaps.

Adventures of a different sort

I miss this one-sided conversation with whoever you are out there. Not posting underscores a view that "Jo's midlife adventures" are somehow on hold, when in fact I most need to remind myself to seek the adventures in every day, even here, freezing my now reduced butt off in the midst of an Ottawa winter.

The African journey is only on hold. All the questions it's raised, all the inspiration to do more to help, has led me to start adventuring in academia. I'm now officially registered in a Certificate in Applied Ethics program at the Dominican University here in Ottawa. My first two classes felt like no less an adventure than my first day in Longido. For starters, I don't speak the language. Philosophy?? Me?? All those years of formal education, initially so focused on the sciences then economics mostly of the mathematical sort, and suddenly I feel like the only 50-something on the planet who hasn't read Plato...doesn't know one 'ism' from another. But the adventure comes in suddenly finding myself old enough and fearless enough to look a professor in the eye and say "I don't understand this" and ultimately learning something totally new. My brain is excited...looking forward to the challenge of the next few months.

Home...brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

36 hours of travel, including time to hunt for a cheap pair of socks at the Schipol airport in Amsterdam. My body is not amused at moving from the 30+ degree heat of Longido to today's -29 windchill in Ottawa. I am, however, delighted as always with the wonders of my refrigerator and boundless hot water. Tap water is too cold to drink...hurts my teeth. The grocery store has far too many choices in the laundry soap aisle. High speed internet is fun. Thinking about seeing my sons and retrieving my dog tomorrow morning is exciting! Driving in snow when I haven't driven in months was a bit disconcerting. My favorite hot and sour soup made the drive worthwhile.

I'm home. There are, I suppose, only 5 shopping days left til Christmas, if in fact I had any intention of doing much of that. The next few days will be dizzy ones I suspect, as I try my best to keep one foot in each world. Soon enough I'll be swept up into this one, and Africa will be only a memory until it's time to give into the pull to that other 'home' once again.

I've posted a few of my favorite pictures at Facebook.

More Transitions

Sitting in an Arusha hotel room, enjoying a wee bit of air conditioning...filled my face at the Indian buffet lunch after a long hot shower that would have been pleasant had I not needed to stop midway, get dressed and go seek housekeeping help to deal with a shower head problem that threatened to flood the entire room.

Yesterday was incredibly relaxing but somewhat mind boggling as I found myself sipping red wine and swimming in a gorgeous private pool with the most beautiful vista I've seen in Arusha. The contrasts here are hard to fathom especially after such a long stint out in rural Longido.

I left the village early Saturday morning with Happiness...bound for a town called Monduli where her little guy, Bryan, lives with her mom, while Happy works with us in Longido. Reminded me why I don't much enjoy traveling around the district. We waited one hour in Longido, sitting in a dala-dala (mini van) waiting until a total of 20 or so passengers had assembled such that we could hit the road. The highway to Arusha is under construction thanks to a huge Chinese project to improve the entire road between Nairobi and Arusha. A great thought, but meantime traffic is subjected to these wild detours, nicely called 'diversions', down bumpy and incredibly dusty gravel 'roads' built for the occasion. Between being mashed into the side of the vehicle by my overabundance of seat mates, and not being able to see at points where we were literally in a cloud of dust, I was not a terribly happy camper on arrival, mid-way, at the Arusha bus stop. From there we hopped into another overloaded dala-dala and made our way to Monduli. Enjoyed a pleasant lunch with Happy's mom, played a bit with Bryan and then, back to the bus stop for the return jaunt to Arusha. Once again, an hour or so of waiting for the bus to fill to capacity before departure. Overall, I think I covered about 170 km. Driving time was 3.5 hours. Waiting time 2 hours. Accumulated dust and grime...immeasurable. Arriving at Corey's at the end of the day....priceless.

And now, a few days to kill in Arusha, waiting for my Wednesday night flight to Amsterdam.

Two Sleeps

It is Thursday morning and I can't quite grasp the fact that I will leave Longido on Saturday morning and make my way towards the city and my flight home on Wednesday night. My inbox is full of news of Ottawa transit strikes and blustery weather and changes in political leaders and a gazillion bits that seem like news from another planet.

Here my head is far more filled with thoughts of all the things not yet completed...errands to run today, people to say goodbye to, pictures not yet taken, clothes needing washing, figuring out how to pack an ostrich egg for a transatlantic crossing, children to hug tight so I won't forget how good those hugs feel, a final hike up to say goodbye to Johana and my beloved camp.

Let it snow!! I'll deal with that soon enough.

The Director

This young man is the director of our drama production, which will spread word of the Girl-Mothers program in several of our nearby villages. He's an incredible 'natural' on stage, and great fun in general. I couldn't resist the close up shot of his socks!

Numbered Days

As always the final few weeks have flown by in a blur. Somehow it's already December 8th. This Saturday I pack my bags and say goodbye to Longido. Happiness and I will travel to Monduli (near Arusha) so I can visit with her Mom and little Bryan pre-departure. Then I'll head into Arusha and likely spend my last few African days there...reacquainting myself with hot running water, television and an abundance of fresh fruit...perhaps I'll even manage a bit of Christmas shopping as I doubt I'll be up for much of that on my return to Ottawa. I fly out on Wednesday evening and arrive in snowy (?) Ottawa on Thursday night, after a 12 hour layover in Amsterdam.

And, as always, my feelings about leaving are truly ambivalent...it's always so hard to say goodbye to people I've become so close to. This time it's hard to leave when the project is just gearing up...I'll miss the almost daily excitement as new hurdles get jumped and the project moves forward. I'll miss the warm sunshine even if it does wear me down. I'll miss marsala chai...all spicy and milky and yummy enough that it could (almost) induce me to give up on my morning coffee. I'll miss being 'koko Jo' to all my little ones...and starting each day with hugs and smiles from their adorable wee faces.

But 'home' has it's pulls as well. Family and Christmas and my trusty beagle await. I'm really energized about starting some serious fund raising, now that I know what's at stake and how much change we can bring about for so little money. I'm looking forward to starting back to school – one more course in my International Community Development certificate and a foray into Philosophy as I try my hand at a first Applied Ethics course at the Dominican University. I'm looking forward to seeing how the new and improved Jo re-adapts to life in Canada with a decidedly different viewpoint on life and love than on departure...excited to see what's around the next corner.

Absence of Ageism -- Fountain of Youth??

I just spent a really pleasant afternoon coaching a group of high school students who are preparing to do a community drama about our Girl-Mother program. They'll be heading out next week to start visiting several of the villages, in an effort to spread word of the program by way of their performance.

Terrific bunch of young people, and clearly they enjoyed my approach with them as well. Our session ended with everyone asking for my phone number...I gave it out, though with a caveat that I was not really one to stay up late and wouldn't appreciate calls after my bedtime. I know from experience that I'm going to start receiving all these cute text messages at all hours of the day, just to say 'hello mama, how are you??' And it's always a little strange to realize that a group of kids that age, back home, would have so little interest in initiating ongoing connections with a near-senior-citizen.

Speeches, speeches...so boring...

The little girl who's so obviously bored with this ceremony is one of my favorite photo subjects (she's the one missing a few teeth in a posting a few days ago).

Almost Lost my Skin...yikes!

Clean hair...clean clothes...clean feet. I feel like a new woman and am more than content with the face that smiles back at me from the mirror in my room. My dear friend Sarah (the founder of the Montessori pre-school here) looked at me carefully over lunch, and declared that after only 2 days she's happy to see that I'm getting my skin back. I'm not totally sure what she means, but I'm quite happy to know that I got away before I lost my skin entirely!!

Wouldn't you know it...the wind that drove me from the mountainside stopped last night. I guess it truly won the battle. As soon as I finally gave in, packed up and left, it had done its job, and was able to stop. I'll take that as a clear-cut sign that I was meant to come down here and be with my friends for awhile!

Yesterday's team visit to Kitumbeine was a huge success. The father has not only agreed to call off his daughter's impending marriage, the whole family ended up thanking us profusely for starting the program and addressing such a huge problem. So much validation...don't have the words to explain how satisfying it feels to have listened to that little voice in my head years ago, taken a chance on following its direction, and now to know that the outcomes are so, so positive.

Theories of Relativity

Funny, I've only been at the LOOCIP guest house for a few hours...my bags are packed up at camp but I won't be able to have them transported down til evening...and I feel like I've moved into an ultra-modern room (though you'd chuckle, I'm sure, if you could see it).

Some government meeting is taking place at the main hall so the generator is turned on and with this bonus blast of electricity mid-day, I am finally able to indulge in listening to some of the great music that Matthew loaded on my laptop pre-departure. Nothing quite like a little Bach in Africa, when you just want to stop and chill out. I know that later today I can have a real shower. Last night the girls gave me a real treat...they warmed me a full basin of water, handed over a brush and a bar of soap, and let me indulge in half an hour of foot soaking and scrubbing. At least now I know what colour my toes actually are at this point! What a luxurious time it was...a gazillion dollar spa treatment couldn't have felt better!

It was tough to go and pack up my things at camp. Not sure who will miss me more...Johana or the dogs, and it's always hard to make people believe that you'll really come back when you say you will. I guess they've all seen people come and go, never to return in spite of what might be said to the contrary.

The girl-mother team is out in the village of Kitumbeine today, doing a mediation with a traditional Maasai father who wants to marry off his pregnant daughter as soon as possible. She, the daughter, has been with us almost two weeks now, and is so hopeful that the team will be successful in changing her father's mind. Fingers crossed...one way or the other this few hours of meetings will determine this beautiful young woman's future potential. She will either get to continue high school after the birth (she's already finished her third year), or very soon she will be married to the man of her father's choosing and have to resign herself to the role of a traditional wife.

Transitions

Sunday night I opened my phone to check my gmail. It was 12:01 on 12/01. My tent was heaving like never before...stuff was falling off my table...the frame was really moving in the wind. I made up my mind at that point, that I'd had enough...hit the limit of my courage perhaps, but in any case...had enough. I came and slept Monday night with two of the young women who comprise my Longido 'family' and woke this morning with a clear decision to go and pack my bags and move down the hill to LOCIP for the rest of my time. The alternative was to try and find an earlier flight home, and this is so much more pleasant a decision!! I'm really looking forward to being part of this little community again, as this was my home for 6 months, first trip and it's been strange to be staying so far away from the comings and goings of everyday family life here.

No regrets, and I'm truly looking forward to coming back to camp in May, when I'm told the windy season will be but a distant memory. For now...well, I get to look forward to the thrill of 3 hours of electricity every night...no shortage of water for half-way decent showers. 7 weeks at camp have been awesome. I discovered a lot about myself, and I suppose it's fitting that I should also have learned my limits there.

Lazy Sunday

On days like today I realize how this place really teaches one (well THIS one anyhow) how to do pretty darned close to nothing with a weekend, without guilt or regret. Let's see. I got up. Made coffee. Decided to treat the others to a batch of french toast...yes Jo, you really can make pancake syrup by boiling up brown sugar and water awhile. Fed the dogs. Took a 4 km walk into 'town' and back...to buy smokes and powdered milk and stop off for a cup of milky spiced chai with Halima at the mid-way point. Back home to cool off in my tent and get lost for a while in a New York Times crossword puzzle book (nice to check and ensure the vocabulary is still relatively intact and fun to carry on what for years was a Sunday morning tradition back home). Feeling a little anti-social today, so just as well that pretty much everyone I know will have been at church and not offended by my not stopping in for morning greetings.

Can't believe it's the end of November today. Six weeks have pretty much flown by, and I'll be home and shivering in just 18 days. Looking forward to tomorrow...we get to see the dress rehearsal of a drama that has been put together by LOOCIP staff as a community sensitization tool around the Girl-Mothers program. Should be fun, and hopefully it will provide a strong means of getting word out to the villages about the program. While all the usual 'official channels' have already been informed, we're learning that news of the program hasn't been filtering down to the vast majority of girls and parents who need to know it exists. With luck, this drama presentation, which will go out to several of the main villages over the next few weeks, will help to correct that situation.

And now...a sunny afternoon with nothing more pressing on my to-do list than to take a shower once the tank is nicely sun-warmed. Oh yes, and to eat an avocado that Paula, our latest camp visitor, brought from Arusha (along with mangoes, pineapple and big juicy oranges...all treats that rarely make an appearance here in Longido).

More Photos while the Connection's Good!

The group shot is me with some of the young women currently participating in our Girl-Mothers project. The others are random pictures of friends and neighbours.

Homeward Pull

Even without checking the calendar I am beginning to feel the pull for 'home'. My only pair of shoes, my flip-flops, are at that point where there's far more flop than flip going on (please make it 2 more weeks...please!!) I can tell from the reflection in my laptop screen that I'm due for a haircut, never having been totally comfortable with the spiky punk look. The pups are becoming too attached...it's time to let them come to see Johana as their alpha provider, not this mzungu who is just passing through.

Money's running thin. Time is running out on the gazillion to-dos, to-visits, to-remembers. I am oh so satisfied with the progress I've seen in the projects...I know it's time to get back to Canada and focus on making money so the team here can keep going forward by leaps and bounds. I want to go home so I can start planning for coming back, crazy as that sounds. I'm telling everyone that they'll likely see me back here for May, June and July...for African winter, when my energy doubles with the cooler temperatures...when I can comfortably dress in jeans and T-shirts without fear of melting in the noon day heat.

I have gotten so much out of this trip on a personal level. Time to reflect and ponder from our mountain retreat has been incredible. So much sorted out, learned, discovered and re-discovered. I will be coming home braver, bolder, bedraggled, besotted, bouncier, blessed....BETTER!

And now, back to it, with the remaining time.

The Amazing Shrinking Woman

Probably good that I don't have access to a weight scale. I only know that my pants are falling down on a regular basis, so I'm limited to the couple with drawstrings. My ankles must be smaller because my anklet chains keep falling off too. I think I had breasts when I left Ottawa...now where did I leave the darned things?? They certainly seem to have disappeared. Perhaps that's why the old gals look so sympathetic when I walk past them. Traditional Maasai believe that breast size is a direct indicator of the amount of, shall we say, "nookie" one is indulging in. Clearly they know that I'm downright deprived! (Heaven only knows what they think of some of the buxom young volunteers floating around the village these days!!)

My tan lines are probably pretty hilarious too, though I can't be sure as I haven't seen myself in a proper mirror in weeks. My hands and forearms are dark brown (by my standards anyhow)...my feet, well, maybe it's just dirt, but no, the flip flop tan lines are pretty obvious...I expect my face is brown too, since I never use sunscreen. The contrast to my pasty white legs has to be striking.

I'll Huff and I'll Puff....

Yes indeed...the story of the three little pigs keeps filling my half-dreams. The wind on the mountain seems to grow stronger and blow longer every evening. I lie in my bed, dozing, then awakening when the sides of the tent billow in and poke me. I think of that story of childhood, and wonder what the odds are that my house of canvas will hold up better than the ill-fated houses of straw and sticks. Last night was the worst (so far). I was convinced they'd find me this morning, hidden under my bed, with the roof trusses caved in on top of the tent, and me.

It's reminiscent of being in a boat on a rough sea. The canvas noises are of course just like those of full sails. The wood frames creak like ancient masts, the guywires whine and squawk as the gusts come through. The wind even found her way under the tent last night, and at one point I swear my bed was making little jumps. There weren't a whole lot of options to consider, either. I could have slept in the latrine I suppose, but trust me...no. Or I could have shared the kitchen building with Johana and the dogs and the various creepy crawlies that like to go in there at night, but again...no. Instead I went to the front porch, smoked cigarettes while staring at the most gorgeous starscape...amazing that while we were being battered and blown about, those stars didn't move the tiniest bit. It was a calming influence, and eventually, exhausted, I managed to brave the return to my jumpy bed and a few hours of sleep. They tell me it will get better....by February!!!

Mayai....Oh My

I definitely need to sign up for kiswahili classes before my next visit. My inability to teach myself is made clearer by the day, and this morning's mixup was almost too sad to be funny.

Early this morning I noticed a woman coming along the ridge to camp, and eventually recognized her as my Koko (grandmother) from the village. Seemed odd that this old gal would be making the trek up to see me, but hey, lots of things seem odd so I was only curious as I went to give her my greetings and a welcome. She was toting a rather large bag, and luckily Johanna was home to translate. Apparently, the bag contained the objects I had asked her for recently. Now...understand that I had zero recollection of asking Koko for anything, so I was somewhat mystified. Things didn't come any clearer when she pulled out two beautifully beaded ostrich eggs. I may forget minor things on a regular basis (let's chalk that up to menopause, shall we?) but c'mon....I would not have forgotten asking someone to make me a couple of fancy ostrich eggs!! She insisted I'd asked, and reminded me that it was about a week ago as we were walking around the village with the troupe of Canadian visitors. They had taken a picture of her beside me, surely I remembered??? That part I DID remember, and then the light bulb came on. In the course of that meeting I had told Koko that sometime soon I would come and buy some eggs from her. During my earlier visit, her family had been my primary source of chicken eggs. Somehow it seems, while I was overconfidently talking about mayai (that's said my-eye) I hadn't thought to qualify with the 'chicken' part, even though I actually know that word in kiswahili too (it's kuku). And, hey, who wouldn't jump to the conclusion that there was an ostrich involved in the request??...easy mistake!!

Long story short...she wanted $10 per egg. Everyone agreed that was nutso extravagant for something I didn't want in the first place, but I felt so bad about the confusion and her trek to the camp, that I offered to take just one, for $5, and she was overjoyed that we'd come to that sort of compromise.

All's well that end's well. Somebody is getting a beaded ostrich egg for Christmas....maybe the person who emails me the funniest story about why THEY deserve to be the recipient!

Best Laid Plans

Let's just call this "the day the kitchen shelter fell down" and not go into a whole lot of detail. Nobody was hurt. Some lessons are harder to learn than others.

One Month In

(wrote this November 15th...I suppose that says something about the number of communication issues I've been having as of late...oh well...)

I celebrated this anniversary of sorts by redecorating my tent...well, in reality, by shifting the positions of my 2 beds and 2 tables, but hey, it's a huge difference in floor space and Johana agrees it looks a whole lot better than before! Then I gave the kitchen a thorough cleaning, and found my first scorpion in the process. Luckily it was just a wee one (even the full grown ones here aren't deadly...though they can give you a nasty sting that leads to a painful day of dealing with swelling and such). Going to have to be more careful about daily sweepings under all the boxes that are in the kitchen to prevent a recurrence of that sort of visitor.

I'm food obsessed today. Maybe that's a one-month thing, or maybe it comes of the fact that in the past few days I've noticed that my pants are starting to fall down if I don't wear a belt. We're eating a lot of pasta up here, so it's not that I'm not taking in enough calories....probably the weight loss is mostly due to the necessary hikes up and down the mountainside, in flipflops no less. Anyhow, I want a chicken breast – a real one, meaty, juicy, in some sort of sauce that isn't based on tomatoes. I want a warm, crusty roll with butter melting on it and some really good cheese. A small steak would be a nice change from the fresh fire roasted goat meat that the warriors carve up for us at every celebratory event (though I must say I still love the roasted goat liver, when I can manage to get some of that. It's typically reserved for folks far more important than I.) Ooooh, and a monster-sized bowl of fresh green salad. Sigh. I hate knowing in advance what I'll be dreaming about tonight...probably will end up gnawing on my pillow like that fellow in the McDonalds TV commercial.

I've decided that it's time to get beyond the 'vacation' stage, and buckle down to some actual work at LOOCIP for month two. No shortage of tasks I can pitch in on, I'm sure.

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my appeal for donations to the Girl-Mother program. I have great news!! Last week my kaka (brother) Ngeresa came back from his third Parliamentary committee appearance with the mind-boggling news that effective immediately, all girls who are involved in our program will be allowed to return to government school after their babies are born! It's going to take some time to get the law changed (sounds like a 3 to 4 year process here), but we've broken down the door, and getting this special permission for the girls we're aware of, is a huge step...one that clearly sets a precedent and spells out the government's intention to follow through with the necessary changes. Needless to say, Ngeresa is now, more than ever, officially my hero!!! And now, with awareness of this spreading in nearby communities, I expect we'll start to see the girls come in to the project in far greater numbers than before.